Wednesday, June 27, 2018

That Skydiving Video

June 27th today. I watched my first skydiving video in its entirety for the first time.

And at 19:18 tonight, I started work on my Graduation Film.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

I am 30 now.

So I just had my 30th birthday. Alone. By myself. Again. Typical.

But this time I don't feel that lonely anymore.

Maybe something in me has changed.

I just changed my 8-year-old Facebook profile picture. That was epic!! But even that, still no one notices it. I guess whatever I do from now on no one would notice me about anything.

There is not much to say. Really. Today is also quite normal. I write. I text. I watch. I masturbate. I sleep. And I wait.

I've been waiting all my life. And I've been searching all my life as well.

Dylan was right. I have this conflicting thing in me: I worry about what other people would think of me but I also want to do things my own way.

What a conundrum.

Now the most important thing: I thought I would achieve enlightenment when I reach thirty just like Buddha did.

But I didn't.

You didn't put into any hard work you lazy bastard!!

I guess I didn't have to care about these thoughts anymore.

I am me.

Friday, June 22, 2018

Tomorrow is my 30th Birthday

Tomorrow will be my thirtieth birthday.

God.... 30... what have I learned for the past 30 years?

I guess I am pretty proud of my past 30 years. It's just I don't "think" I am proud of.

It's the problem of mind and heart, isn't it?!

I've been playing various roles for the past 30 years: victim, narcissist, egotistical bastard, celebrity, philanthropist, evil-doer, an innocent youth, sentimentalist, romantic... and most essential of all, a Starseeker.

The moment I drop this title "Starseeker" will be the moment I find the truth.

But I can't right now.

It is believed that Buddha achieved enlightenment at the age of 30. 

I, for Christ's sake, are far from it, and may never will be, in this life 😆.

I can't drop the title "Starseeker" right now. I just can't. It has some use.

According to the Journey, I was supposed to go back to NZ two years after I leave. But right now, it has been 8 years and what?!

I am nothing. 

Oh, yes! And I don't have a girlfriend.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

I feel...

I feel I am making progress...

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday, and everything, I started to let go pretty well.

Although being alone doesn't bother me, although I have always been alone... it would be nice to have a friend at the end of the world.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

The Experimental Festival - 7 Years 5 Months and 16 Days into the Self Discovery Journey

This is it. I can probably die now.

If I go back to China now, it is fully permissible now.

My major work in South Africa is done.

The Garden was very well received by the audience.

No more stressful work till the end of the year now. I am happy now.

I have bought myself sometime for the Starseeker Universe. The schedule again has been pushed forward.

This will do for now.

Monday, June 4, 2018

Wesley's Words

The feedback from Wesley on Arthur and Mingi was quite positive.

He said I am very good at creating mood and atmosphere. He said I have OCD everyday that forces me to think in my head all the time, and writing for film is probably the only way through which I can "feel".

This is good.

And I got my watch back today!