Saturday, April 28, 2018

I am so pathetic

Nicole is having an anniversary celebration with her girlfriend tonight. and I am like a humiliated loser to ask for her sympathy.

I am such a loser and no one likes me. I may just die.

I am pathetic. I was a fool to have a crush on Nicole.

I am worse than a cockroach. Sorry no offense to cockroaches...

Nicole will never talk to me anymore, she maybe already sick of me..

She said I could chat to her whenever.... I was just deluding myself. That was just a flash of happiness. Non-lasting.

I am such a humiliated and pathetic loser.

The world can go on without me.

Sadness and loneliness has filled the entire Starseeker Universe.

The world is about to end.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

I felt really close to Nicole today

I talked to her about very emotional stuff. Like loneliness and stuff.

I know she has a girlfriend. But I cant help fantasizing about what could ve happened if she did not have one.

It is easy for me to talk to a girl like that. A girl that is enthusiastic and passionate about conversations. Which she is. She is passionate, compassionate and interesting, and ambitious.

While Erin is sweet and innocent and dont know.... if only she can be more enthusiastic...

I just cant figure out what excites her.

I think 2018 is gonna end with i figuring out the relationship with these two girls.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Nolwazi is excited

Nolwazi is exceptionally happy today. After hearing about the progress of our film.

I just hope I didn't raise her expectations.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

She is the Girl----7 Years 3 Months and 22 Days into the Journey

I came to a conclusion today that Erin is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

Erin said I was energetic

I suddenly recalled Erin said I was energetic.

So I still didn't lose that...

Am I still Suning Starseeker?


Saturday, April 21, 2018

I masturbated today

I havent masturbated ever since I saw Erin two weeks ago.

I thought I could break the record.

It is still a sort of accomplishment. I thought I could last longer.

Friday, April 20, 2018

I ve been praised today

I have been praised today for our film.

The teachers complimented on the First Cut viewing.

Why do I not feel happy at the end of the day?

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

I don't care how many days have passed

Erin is the girl I like.

I really like her. We had a nice conversation on Tuesday. At the News Cafe.

The only thing that worries me is that she talks about music and movies that I haven't heard of and vice versa.

But the good thing is that we have the potential to connect emotionally.

I keep thinking about her smile all the time.

Maybe I should text her tomorrow.

Yesterday I woke up so scared. I guess I was worried only about myself. Cause why would I link myself to the fact that she has Type 1 Diabetes.

I don't want to see her suffer. It's kinda sad, she now has a lot of things she can't eat.

But I will be there for her. I want to stay with her for the rest of my life.

My film is going well. I just hope not to see bad surprises during the first cut viewing on Friday.

I told Yonelisa and Kim about how I felt about Erin today. I saw someone on her FB calling her "a beautiful human being".

That's precisely what I would describe her. Like what I did on the First Day.

A Beautiful Girl.

Friday, April 6, 2018

I Found A Girl.

I met a girl today.

She is so sweet and innocent. She wears this green t-shirt with cartoon characters on it and casual jeans and canvas shoes. A typical youth, I like that. The restaurant I and David went to was called Something Good.

Something Wonderful came out of it.

I can feel she is emotional. I can tell she could be as weired as me. I can tell she is creative.

She has blue eyes that looks kind and sweet. Wonderful eyes.

Will she be the girl I m looking for? I don't know.

I like her.

This is the first girl that I ever asked out with since I came to South Africa more than two years ago.

She said she was at the third year of study in NMMU, which works pretty well with me. Because I don't want to date someone who is too young.

The unexpected thing was she didn't reject me!

I like her.

This is 7 Years 3 Months and 6 Days into the Spiritual Enlightenment Journey.

I like her.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Ansie left

So today my landlady Ansie, officially moved to a rest house with all her elderly friends.

It was good for her.

So tonight I am all alone. I dont mind being a lone. I am alone anyway.

Those young people are having a party right next door. This loneliness makes me feel special I guess.

Those fucking freaks have party almost every day. No twice a week I guess.

Filming is going steady. I discovered a nice shot today with David. which is great. David is a good guy to work with, even thou his mind is full of interesting ideas, he would always respect my original idea in the end.

Johnny is still nowhere to be found. I guess the next time we see him would be the day we film.

I dont even know if he was really involved in a car accident. I still dont think he s lying thou.

I should thank Ansie for thinking about letting me stay until the end of the year.