Saturday, August 26, 2017

6 Years 7 Months and 26 Days into the Self Realization Journey - This Wacky Wednesday

On the 23rd, Wacky Wednesday, I forgot something to think about. which left me with a horrendous feeling. I felt this crime thought again.



Thursday, August 17, 2017

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

No one likes my idea.

No one likes my idea, I am so angry and sad....

Even for a little group icon.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Jonny's reply

Jonny said he miss me. Thats one of the best things anyone has ever said to me.

It makes me feel so good.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

No one wants to go out with me.

I want to go out places. I want to go to the movies with somebody, or a restaurant. I would feel awkward going alone, I feel eating alone at a table alone, people will look at me and think that I am a loser or there is something wrong with me. And seeing a movie alone? I have nobody to tell about the movie, I would feel embarrassed going as I feel that if somebody saw me walking in alone they would make fun of me to their friends they are in a group with.

Friday, August 4, 2017

My opportunity

I think its everyone's effort that gave me this opportunity to actually personally direct a film by myself this year.

Cause at the beginning of the year I was instructed by the Dean that I could only assist.

Thanks, everyone. Even thou you guys are not consciously aware of it.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

6 Years 7 Months and 3 Days into the Self Realization Journey----Life is beautiful

I had a awesome day today.

Cure said she is happy to work with me as a director. That i was willing to put into effort for the production. And the whole class was resonating with what Cure said that "this is going to be Suning's first written and directed film in AFDA!" Everybody applauded, I was so touched, I cant describe the emotion i felt at that time. I think I received a lot of sympathy at that time from everyone. Maybe "sympathy" is not the word, but i didn't know what everyone else was thinking, maybe they are keen to watch my film? After two years of absence?

They definitely want to see a film that is written and directed by Suning Chen.

I had a good working relationship with Cure. It feels so good to be backed up by someone since a long time ago.

I hope the rest of the group meeting went well. It's entertaining to see everyone yelling at each other but the situation was under control. The meeting wasn't as messy as everyone thought it would be. I was surprised by the turn out. Looks like my effort to gather everyone didn't get unnoticed.

Looks like every member took this seriously. A lot of responsibility involved.

Now you see why in every parliament in the world those politicians need to yell and scream at each other. The beauty of democracy. 

Its hard. I know. People have different egos and everyone can only think of the best interest for themselves. 

I enjoyed the meeting. 

The Uber driver was pretty dope. He is positive and lovely. Talks a lot. Quite amusing. He loves China so much. I guess I ll ask him for a ride next time. He is Rashid.

And the final beautiful thing is, it seems my relationship with Yolandi is healing. Guess i learned to work with her. 

Its sad. i just learnt today, that she doesn't have any children and i think she is alone and she got stabbed by someone and didn't have the money to see a doctor. I have sympathy for her.

No one can justify life by linking their happiest moments into a rosary. In particular, I cannot.

6 Years 7 Months and 2 Days into the Self Realization Journey---Narcissism

This fucking narcissism thing is dragging on my nerves!

Even Sandy says I'm a narcissist, how frustrating!

Am I not lacking any empathy?! How scary! Am I a psychopath or monster?!

I have empathy, I always do. Why do you think I cry all the time when watching movies!?

Goddamn it.