Monday, November 7, 2016

Day 2144 into the Self Realization Journey

The past two days has been really wonderful for me.

I joined the 48 Hour film competition for the third time, this is in South Africa.

I didnt do much, which is typical of me. This wonderful and lovely girl Zoe, who told me if I felt "excluded". It touched my heart. Althou I was gonna say "No, I chose to be excluded, because there is nothing more I can do, I don't blame others for my exclusion." But I didnt get a chance.

God, she is only 14. But I felt like I really liked her, just like my little sister, I wish i could have a sister like her. She is very wise, sympathetic and full of empathy, for a 14-year-old.

But there was this event that makes feel horrible: I didnt manage to save her life, she was saved by Tiaan. There was a dog, actually two dogs, at Avo's house, who were trying to attack us after our filming. I felt so jealous and insecure. I was only thinking about myself, I ran away from the impeding danger so quickly, in a split of second, the only survival instinct I had was for myself.

I should be the one to save her. Luckily, she wasn't bitten. But she was frightened. But I think Tiaan got a minor bite from the dog. God, I am such a horrible person, jealous of someone who is trying to save other people's life.

Then on my way home, in Tiaan's car, I couldn't say anything, I keep thinking about this event.

She was one of the few western girls whose talking that I could actually understand. 

I was waiting for her to ask for my Facebook account. But then... it's ok.

And then, it was this aftermath of 48 Hour. I made everyone laugh, the first time in this whole year, since I got into PE. Everybody was laughing so hard. Guess the joke I made cracks up everyone. 

I felt so great, guess I was being myself, all of a sudden I felt like my value was appreciated by everyone, it was a good ending for 48 Hour competition. Maybe it was a good ending for everyone.

Then at last, while I was waiting for the taxi, me, Wesley, Victoria had a nice conversation. I was so happy, cause i was able to tell them my story about my traveling, in Afghanistan and Belarus. 

And also, Ghost in the Shell.

I haven't had this happiness for a long time.


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